2021.09.25 21:16 raaaafah I’m actually calm?
For as long as I remember, I’ve thought of myself to be a loud and crazy person. I know myself as social.
When people get to know me, they get very surprised that I’m calm. I thought it was only bc it’s the first time I c them so it would take some time for me to get comfortable and show my loud self to them
BUT I’ve realized it not like that- I asked all of my friends, and they think of me as calm and down to earth
I’m now so confused; at my old school I was really popular which gave me the confidence to be myself, but now that I’m no longer there there isn’t a place that seems safe to me.
I’m still not able to accept the fact that I’m actually calm as I always thought I wasn’t. I tell myself I should accept myself the way I am but part of me wants to force to craziness and loudness into my personality
But my question here to y’all: - if I put effort into being more social, would it be me gaining confidence or would it be me trying to neglect my personality?
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2021.09.25 21:16 Imran_KhanLover13 Thoughts on this?
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2021.09.25 21:16 Baldemoto I did DXM and my partner did LSD — We both felt our realities break down and our egos "combine". Has anyone else experienced anything like this?
I want to preface this by saying that, although both me and my partner (who I'll refer to as H), to some degree, agnostic theists, we weren't particularly spiritual in any sense of the word.
That being said, we are both very experienced psychonauts and have done several psychedelics, dissociatives, etc. numerous times in our lives. However, it was almost always driven by either curiosity or fun, and we never had any sort of spiritual or really anything but a positive non-spiritual experience out of things like acid, shrooms, DXM, MDMA, etc.
We are a long distance relationship. H lives in the southern US while I live in the West Coast, and we call pretty much daily after our work/school to chat and catch up and whatnot. We haven't physically met since June and are planning to meet up again in December.
Also to note is that H has several psychological issues that have impeded their life in several ways - bipolar disorder, PTSD from a 5-year-long abusive relationship, autism, polysubstance abuse, etc. They were addicted to DPH and DXM for the better part of 2-3 years, and were driven to a failed suicide attempt at one point while on DPH and sleeping pills.
I promise all of what I mentioned is important to this experience. I would like to know if anyone has experienced anything like this, since we are still trying to make sense of it ourselves.
Surprisingly enough, just a few hours after they bought their cartridge, a friend reached out to me as well and asked if I wanted to do DMT as well with them last week. The fact that the both of us were having opportunities to do DMT in the same day was completely unexpected, as we never really thought of doing the substance until the offers came to our table.
H is prone to psychosis due to their bipolar and wanted to take safety precautions before hitting the DMT. It was a very powerful cartridge, the kind where 3 puffs gets you to break through, so they knew they were in for something serious. They asked me to be with them on call during and after the experience, they gave me their sister's phone number (who was a few rooms over) in case anything happened that needed her attention, and prepared themselves mentally.
H pacing around the house and stressing out over doing DMT a lot while waiting for the opportunity to do it while their family was busy, pacing around the house, ruminating stuff, thinking about what could potentially happen, etc. . I attempted to calm their nerves, which worked a bit, but they were still very much anxious about the entire situation.
Once the opportunity finally appeared and they attempted to put the cartridge inside of the pen (which their dealer gave to them earlier that day) , H realized that their pen was broken. And that therefore they would have to do DMT after their aunt's funeral (which they were going to the day after), since they'd have to buy a new vape pen.
"Oh well", I said, there's not much that can be done about that. They had also bought some LSD from their dealer in case they still wanted to do something after the experience, and I had DXM with me as well. We decided to trip together. They took 2 tabs of 250ug LSD, while i took a high 2nd plat/low 3rd plat dose of DXM.
This is where the experience properly begins.
As we lied down, we started to express our love for each other as we usually do when we're both chilling and not doing too much. Simple stuff like "I love you", "You mean so much to me", etc etc.
As the lethargy and the DXM effects started to kick in over the course of another hour, our affection started to get stronger. We started saying things like "you complete me", "you're my other half", and things which we generally wouldn't really express unless we were in a very certain loving mood, and even then it felt different somehow.
We both had very high sex drives, and we retroactively confirmed that at this point we were both attempting to jerk off. We both, to some extent, attempted to explain what was happening as being horny, which is not very unusual during a comeup for either of us. However, we both realized that we really couldnt pleasure ourselves in that way, because there was a much more complex emotion happening. This wasn't comeup horniness. This somehow felt much, much deeper.
What happened next is hard to describe, and it seems like it was different for H than it was for me because we were taking different class substances. For me, at some point, i felt complete dissociation kick in. This is not something i was expecting during the 2nd hour of a high plat 2/low plat 3 robotrip. I was still expressing my love to H, but it felt completely dissociated from my body and completely associated with them.
I had never experienced this kind of dissociation before, and in retrospect felt very similar to what i would imagine death looks like - if it wasn't for the fact that my ego wrapped itself around H.
It hit me like a freight train – I could feel H being with me. Despite being completely dissociated from my body and having very little of a sense of self, the primordial "I" could feel itself being with H. I felt like I became them. I could feel their love in such a deep, primordial sense that it felt like my love and their love was no longer differentiable – it was simply the love our egos possessed. I could no longer differentiate myself from H.
I don't know how to describe it except our egos/souls combining. Maybe our egos were having sex? It felt like H became an intrinsic part of me. An inseparable part of my ego. I don't know how to describe it.
For H, it seems that the psychedelic properties hit full force – close eyed visuals kicked in and they were able to physically see, feel, and touch the manifestation of our love.
And similarly, like a freight train, they were able to see and recognize and understand my love for them and their love for me deeper than they could have ever imagined, and inseparable from each other. They could feel both of our egos, and they were soft and glowing, heavenly, a push and a pull, flowing together peacefully into one another. It seemed to be a different path to the same destination – they felt like they died, and felt the exact same ego combination as I did.
While all of this was happening, our mouths were still attempting to express our love for each other. But after we realized what happened, we had to step back and and think about what the fuck just happened. We both had an immediate, mutual realization that what had happened was not normal, and not something that would happen normally.
We felt an emotion that we believed people could spend their entire lives attempting to feel – an intense feeling of connection with another person that transcended the physical and even mental and went straight to the spiritual – the ego itself. Was it love? It was the only word to possibly explain what happened.
H then started freaking out a bit and pacing around their house for one major reason – they felt that they could not physically commit suicide anymore. As in, if they attempted to, the universe would come in and physically attempt to stop them.
Worth mentioning is that during H's first suicide attempt, they had somehow survived something that should have been unsurvivable to anyone. They touched death, and came back, after which they had an immediate survival reaction. They feel like they truly did die, but the universe decided to "bring them back" because they wanted them to suffer some more.
The fact that suicide was completely off the table for them shook them to their core it seems like – they felt that, if they killed themselves, they would also be killing a part of me in the process (Which I wholeheartedly agreed with). Having suicide off the table caused them to have to completely rewire their brains in order to actually care about self-preservation - something they genuinely had not felt for a long time.
We both felt like there was something spiritual that occured – something that is uncommon and something that transcended this plane of existence. We felt our egos, our spirits outside of this plane of existence, had sex. We're not entirely sure how else to put it except like that.
This likewise brought a sense of peace and tranquility to me about death. The fact that I felt like I had died, but was able to combine my very ego with the person I love to feel the absolute and complete unity between our egos was insanely calming and made me happier than I had ever been.
(Sidenote – H's mother has a "psychic" ability where they're able to know, with scary precision, things about H which they never told her. For example, even though she doesn't know I'm in a relationship with them, she can know, when they're around her, when H is talking to me, and tell them to tell me she said hi. She also has taken a great liking to me. I would have usually dismissed these things, but after this experience, i feel like this is particularly special.)
Likewise, H's polysubstance abuse seems to, at least for the time being, have tapered off significantly. Before this experience, they told me that they could genuinely not understand being able to stand in a room full of drugs and not want to take them all. Now, they tell me they do. They've denied drugs being offered to them, which is EXTREMELY unlike them. They tell me that it feels like something is making not letting them take those drugs, not in a controlling way, but in a guiding way.
Now, my question: Has anyone ever experienced anyrhing like this before? Any explanation as to why this may be? We are still trying to make sense of it, and we feel like this was something we don't know if we're going to experience within our lives again or with anybody else. Any information about what this could possibly be is greatly appreciated.
Thank you for reading this, being able to write down the experience really helped understand what happened a bit better.
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2021.09.25 21:16 EnricoHere I think I need help
I want the week to be over so I won't have to do school work, and I want the weekend to be over so I have something to distract myself from the depressive and suicidal thoughts. Every day goes by so quick. My fingers automatically go to a gun when I'm not using them. My hands look like they have cut marks on them, in the place where you would slit your wrists. The future seems too hard to get through. Even a year ago I had the thought of killing myself when I get 18 so I wouldn't have to start living on my own and go to the military. I'm too weak to live alone and have the responsibility of going to work. My parents won't be home for the next week to check in on me, today was already so long without them. I feel like just giving up. My friend gets bullied at school and I can't stand it, and he is already suicidal, he said he tried to do it and feels like doing it again. I don't have anyone to talk to about it, because I don't trust anyone enough. I just want it all to be over quickly.
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2021.09.25 21:16 One_Inflation_4869 Pede óculos do liky nível 2
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2021.09.25 21:16 essaycode BIO-500 Topic 7 DQ 1……solved
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2021.09.25 21:16 dirtyharrison Breaking News! V-Shaped UFO Over Austin TX - Strange UFO over Woodford Green, London, UK - Are These Red Eyes Bigfoot - Is Bigfoot Behind The Trees - Paranormal activity caught on camera in hindi - Ghost Children Sounds - Mandela Effect: In The Movie Moonraker Does Dolly Have Braces or Not?
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2021.09.25 21:16 needyouremail Verified
2021.09.25 21:16 NomadicNom 15.ai Audio Hoarding/Archival Group?
Does anyone have a group (or interest in making one) whose explicit purpose is the saving of as many 15.ai-generated lines as possible for future use?
With 15.ai reportedly coming back tomorrow, I'd imagine it would do well to be prepared for the inevitable event of the site shutting down again because of its enormous cost to run. Were the site to go down, the community would be better served having an archive of 15.ai raw audio clips, rather than trying to reuse the same lower-quality audio from someone else's old YouTube posts or whatnot.
I'm not an expert in mass data hoarding, but even if this were something as simple as a Discord, I'd love to help contribute. Just curious whether anyone else also would want to be a part of a project/group like this.
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2021.09.25 21:16 mc_bee NM Cow polearm for insight
2021.09.25 21:16 prawnbiryani 💗☁🍦🌸🧁🤍🦩
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2021.09.25 21:16 dirtyharrison 3,000 Scientists, Physicians Sign Declaration Accusing Governments of COVID-Related ‘Crimes Against Humanity’
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2021.09.25 21:16 Kaitlingagne Showers
2021.09.25 21:16 bugvert Lazy Saturday 🥱
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2021.09.25 21:16 Artistic_Dwilko Hi, I was wondering if Masterbation is a Sin? If done with no Pornoghraphy?
2021.09.25 21:16 Jackstewtunes when you try to start the campaign seriously and it starts to get weird
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2021.09.25 21:16 chewyeti Daily diarrhea: fiber? Ketoade?
Struggling with diarrhea on the regular.
I'm hitting the electrolyte goals. I drink 3 500ml bottles of water, 1/4 tsp lite salt, 1/2 tsp sea salt in each with mio flavoring. I definitely try to drink a lot of water outside these 48 ounces... At least double
I take a vitamin that gets me the 300mg of magnesium daily.
I'm supplementing fiber as well. 1-2 tsp/day of psyllium husk, and recently tried inulin. Aiming for 20-25g a day.
No matter what I do, i spend 10s of minutes on the toilet draining my insides.
This is the third week of keto. 1800 calories, sub 20 net carbs. Down around 12 lbs... But can't keep shitting my brains out multiple times a day.
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2021.09.25 21:16 essaycode BIO-500 Topic 7 DQ 2…..solved
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2021.09.25 21:16 Throwawayfencer9 God sometimes moving clubs just feels so good.
Not fencing in my university club anymore because I graduated, so I've started going to this other club and the difference is...insane. It's just so good to walk around and not have to worry about saying the wrong thing that might upset the coach - my old coach used to have a thing where if they were upset at you, they'd shit talk you really hard and get the entire team to turn on you, because they would be afraid that people would turn on them if they didn't join. I saw that happening a lot.
I came really close to quitting the sport my last year of fencing before the pandemic hit because I remember walking up to my old coach and being like "Hey, a friend of mine just attempted suicide. I'm not in a good mental head space. Just letting you know, I might underperform this tournament." Coach followed that up by making fun of me for underperforming for the entire year after that until I had a good tournament showing, and then had the gall to give us a lecture on "Hey boys, you are really bad about coming to talk to us the coaches when you're having bad mental health issues, unlike the girls." Which I was really annoyed at considering what they did when I did try talking to them, but I didn't talk back at the time because I was afraid of being removed from the team if I did.
God, being able to show up at a club, have the coach be a legitimately nice person who asks how I'm doing and not have to worry about what I say is just so nice. Met some great people fencing in university but I'm so glad to be out of that system now. I know some of this is just the honeymoon phase and I'm sure there might be an issue or two with my new club at some point but...
Being able to be in a club where people can openly give each other advice after a bout instead of literally having to do that in secret because if the coach overhears you they'll get mad at you for it...
I'm just so happy right now. I didn't realize how toxic the old club was until I had left it. Always loved the sport, but man I am so happy right now.
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2021.09.25 21:16 coalrexx The day gta 6 comes out will be the day I do a face reveal…
2021.09.25 21:16 anne889 I was unlocking aether currents in the Lochs and guess who I found? Alpha!
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2021.09.25 21:16 YongChuannnnn Look like we can drive to Sawarak and Sabah
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2021.09.25 21:16 dirtyharrison This couldn’t possibly backfire. /s
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2021.09.25 21:16 BaldandPretty Nooks has a 50inch tv if you want it. First come first serve
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